As a Christian I believe in a fallen world on a theological level but at a personal level it is often painfully apparent that what I really believe in is something else. Theologically I am clear that "the fall" means that things aren't the way they are intended to be and that they won't ever be until the kingdom of God is established. It is one thing to know that and quite another thing to live it.
I have a built-in expectation of "fairness" that causes me to get upset with God when I am affected by unfairness and injustice. Unfortunately, that same sensor is less affected by unfairness and injustice to others and sometimes my own pain is God's wake-up call to me to look and think beyond myself. It reveals to me just how self-centered I am and how I fail to be thankful for all that I have.
It is when I see this in myself that I marvel at Jesus. I see His life and His words being consistent in a way that I almost never see in my own life. My faith sometimes seems disembodied from my life, especially when it comes to God's sovereignty over all things in a way that I never see in Jesus' life. I like sovereignty better as a doctrine than a reality because I like control.
As we move towards Holy Week, I wonder if there is any hope that I can begin to live like Him, allowing myself to trust the Father that all things are working together according to His plan, even when they are painful for me in the moment.
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